WHAT IS RESPECT?
Respect is usually understood as a
courteous regard for others’ feelings. A sense of admiration for someone. Admiring
the act of someone or something. A conduct representative of that esteem where
you regard someone in a higher sense. It is denoted as a positive feeling of
deference for an entity or a person. It is something that cannot be accorded.
It can be out of mutual understanding or one sided. It is also an integral part
of ethics and professionalism. An expression of gratitude.
Respecting a person is to value that person’s ideas, feelings, space privacy etc. For example you respect
yourself by staying in control of yourself.
The gestures of respect vary from
tradition to tradition, religion to religion, country to country and person to person.
Some believe that respect is something that you earn, not give. While many believe
it to be a sense of mutual admiration. But the principle aspect remains remains the
same.
Following is a narrative excerpt from
the life of ‘Chhotu’. An incident common for many but perceived differently by
all. It tends to bring into light a perspective which is not easily
discussed and taught.
1.
A daily
routine
‘Look! Chhotu is here!’
exclaimed a child from a gang of twelve, pointing at a 4-year-old kid playing
in mud.
“Let’s tease him to hell
and beat him up!” said another.
The children ganged up
on Chhotu, broke up his mud house, teased him for his girly act, pulled up his
hair and beat him to the ground.
Chhotu plunged over his
mud-house trying to protect his hard work, while the children kicked him up in
a sense of joy. All bruised, Chhotu looked up into their eyes seeking mercy.
.....
“You! Coming up all
bruised again!” Shouted Chhotu's sister on seeing his bruised up face. ‘Why do
you always fight? Can’t you make a single friend out there?” shouted an enraged
sister pointing out all as his fault. He couldn’t understand why he was being picked
up by the street kids while all he did was avoid playing with them and not talk
to them. He had a deep respect for them. He always saw them playing and
wondered why he couldn’t do the same. Then why?
After all, it was a daily routine.
2.
the bleeding
Four years later, he is
carrying his first new water bottle to the school, gifted to him by his mother.
He is racing towards the school bus with other children from his school, all
aiming for the front seat. Leading the pack, he knew that he would reach the
bus before the others. Happily swinging his bottle he kept sprinting towards
the school gate.
‘BUMP!” Fell Chhotu,
face first on the cemented floor with his knee bleeding. He opened his eyes and
saw his broken water bottle lying next to him. He was being picked up by the
children again. It would have been just another day of children teasing and
picking him up hadn’t it been for the broken bottle.
Unable to contain his
anger that the children broke his only water bottle, he hit the head of the
child leading the pack with it.
The next thing he knew the child was
bleeding profusely…
3.
THE WORST
“You hit him on the
head?” Asked the vice Principal. “Yes!” replied Chhotu.
“Why?” asked the vice
Principal. “… Because he is a bad boy! …because he teases me every day. He and
his friends they beat me up.” replied Chhotu without a remorse. The Principal looked at him through her
rimmed glasses. Loosening up her expressions she replied. “If he is a bad boy,
then you must be the worst!”
The words stuck Chhotu like a cannon, he couldn’t understand why he was the worst when all he did was
retort. Understanding his dilemma, the principal explained “You didn’t retort.
You caused a greater injury to him, to his parents. This wouldn’t help you face
the situation, but stir it up more. You need to respect other people. If they
tease you up, you reply with a smile, not by breaking up their skulls”.
The principal took out a chocolate from her drawer and gave it to the victim “Even I want a
chocolate. I am a good boy!” said Chhotu with an innocent face. Looking at Chhotu with
a stern expression the vice principal said “This is your punishment. Since you did wrong, you
won’t get the perks but him”.
The wise words were too big for the
little brain of Chhotu. All he cared about was his mother's reaction. He just didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. But the words stuck
him eventually “Respect other people..!” “Why should I respect people of his
kind?” still wondered Chhotu.
4.
a lesson
The Principal calls up Chhotu’s parents. “Tring tring”.
“Hello” echoed a feminine
voice from the other side.
“Hello, may I talk to Chhotu’s parents?”
“Yes! I am his mother,
may I know who is it!” Replied Chhotu’s mother.
“I am calling up from
his school!” stated the Vice Principal.
“Oh! Did he get beaten
up in school again !” replied the mother Sounding worried. This brought a smile
on the principal’s face and in a calm voice she replied “No ma’am. This time it
is the other way round. He broke up the skull of a student.”
“Oh! Let him come home
I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again” now replied an angry voice.
Noticing the change in the mother’s
voice the Vice Principal replied “Ma’am, he is just a kid. He doesn’t
understand what he did. You’ll have to treat him accordingly. Let it be a
lesson that will change his entire personality.”
5. the echoeing voice
Chhotu is sitting in the
bus. Unaware of the entire conversation between the vice principal and his
mother…
The words still echoing in his head
‘you must be the worst!”. “You must respect others”. He still couldn’t understand
why he should respect people who fared badly, who teased him without a reason. He
was scared of what his mother’s reaction will be. Scared of how other children
will fare up on him. Scared of his sisters reaction, how they will take it. He
just couldn’t face his mother. What if his mother threw him out of the house,
what if she used a hanger to beat him up this time, or threw him up in the
punishing room. What if she informed his father of his deed he’ll never
tolerate his nuisance!
6. awaiting
Chhotu rings the bell of
his house. Afraid that he’ll be scolded like never before, afraid that he might
be thrown out of the house. Afraid to face his mother.
“Come in, your lunch is
waiting for you.” came the sweet sound of his mother with not a bit of anger in
it. “Come, I have cooked your favorite ‘vegetable’ for lunch today” said his mother
unlocking the door and going back to the kitchen. He proceeded to enter the
house, with the door creaking with every inch it moved.
Chhotu started
observing. He observed that his mother was in the kitchen, his sisters working
on their homework. All said nothing, showed nothing. No sign of anger on their
faces, as if nothing had happened. “Maybe they don’t know yet. Maybe the
principal didn’t tell them anything” thought Chhotu. Every nerve in his body asking
him to be cautious. His senses warning him of the upcoming storm. To be brave enough
to brace the situation.
Cautiously, he washed
his hand, changed his clothes and proceeded to have his lunch.
“Here, have a hot
Chapati!” said his mother serving him with a fresh baked Indian bread with
vegetables. She proceeded to serve him food while the sisters kept chatting
about their school and the curriculum. “Do you want anything else Chhotu?”
asked the eldest sister. “Yes, another chapatti!” replied Chhotu with a nod. He
couldn’t sense any uneasiness here, not a hint of anger or depression.
They all watched
television together, while Chhotu slowly finished his lunch. Unable to contain
his eagerness and his thoughts he blurted “I hit a guy on his head. I broke my
only water bottle. I am the worst!”
A moment of silence spread across
the room. Scared, that he might receive a slap anytime now. Sure to be beaten
black-blue he just waited for the impact. . .
7. respect !
“Yawn!” came the voice
from one of his sisters sitting across the table. The eldest sitting nearby just
smiled sweetly. Looking at the vague expressions Chhotu repeated “I broke his
skull. He was bleeding. I broke my water bottle.” There was a silence in the
dining hall. He was sure that they heard him this time, he readied himself for
the impact. . .
Down came a hand on his
cheek. It was not a forceful hand but a gesture of love and kindness. It was
the hand of a mother loving her child. Now came a voice of his eldest sister
“You want something else Chhotu!”
“We knew all along Chhotu, will you explain to us what happened?” asked the mother lovingly. Chhotu couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Bewildered and amazed Chhotu looked
up at his mother with watered eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His
mother and sisters knew it all along but none scolded him. His principal knew
it but didn’t scold, his bus conductor knew it but didn’t shout and complain.
He looked up at his mother’s
eyes and the voice echoed in his head ‘… respect other people”. He understood what
Respect truly was. Respect was not always about praising someone’s skills,
qualities or goodness. It wasn’t always about praising a characteristic of a
person. It wasn’t about how a person treated or reacted. Sometimes….
Sometime it’s respecting
for the sake of respect.
Sometimes it’s respecting
the very Idea of respect.
Sometimes, Respect is what you give,
not what you demand or ask for.
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It's
too easy to come up with reasons to dislike someone, to disrespect someone, or
to dismiss them. Instead, look for the spark and the warmth in people. Decide
to like them, and it'll be much easier to show respect.
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Respect is not an attire, it is genuine feeling shown towards an
entity or a living thing. It is irksome to not respect at all and profane to
respect simply because you are expected do so. It taints the very idea of
something that is believed sacred, precious and beautiful. It is not
something that you demand, but something that is developed for every
other being. It is correctly said that respect is not a mere freebie which
is given to everyone. But the very nature of one’s existence shouldn't be
forgotten. Respect is not for the sake of respecting but for the genuine.
It is an idea of sacred and beautiful personalities.
And sacred we all are!
A person can show respect in a form of casual behavior
or in a manner of one’s uniqueness.
“I respect you because you are older than me.” This is not a deference because
one is older, but admiration of the fact that she/he has more
experience.
You can respect a person for his unique skills, while the
person may still be termed as uncharacteristic. It can be mutual, one sided,
genuine, and generated, trained, manneristic or not be at all. For example, he
is part of the family and must be respected. But if he is a stranger than
also he must be respected.
It does not matter if one is a smoker or a drunkard or has a messed
up life. It does not matter that he is rude or uncouth. It does not matter if
he disrespect you. Respecting is not treating people the way they treat you. It
is a priceless aspect that is full of value. The fact that it exists is enough
to respect it. Although, one cannot be forced to respect each-other, but
accepting one’s existence is enough to generate it.
Just because respecting people carries no price does not mean
that it has no value!
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END
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